Abrogate
by La Push Pup
Summary: Life is rough, and Ponyboy know's it. They always said, you can't run away from your past, and you know what, Ponyboy Curtis isn't going to try to. Maybe be slash in later chapters.
1. Abrogate

"Johnny Cade was my best friend, he knew everything about me, and was okay with it. He knew my fears; he knew what made me happy. He knew that I loved to sing secretly, he knew that as many times as Steve Randal and I fought, I couldn't wait till the next time.

He knew how much I missed my parents, he knew everything about me. He even knew what the nightmares I said I couldn't remember were actually of. I could tell him anything and everything, and he would listen.

It was a mutual agreement, because he told me everything too. Starting with his fear of lakes, to his favorite childhood memory, we knew everything about each other. We both were pretty quite, him out of fear, me because I had nothing to say.

Johnny was one of my hero's; he went through life abused, physically and mentally. He was a great kid, who came from the wrong side of town. He was a puppy kicked one too many times, and lost in the crowd.

Johnny Cade died to save the lives of young children. He wrote me a letter saying, their lives are worth more then mine, and they have more to live for. Sometimes, I reread that passage and think about it hard.

I realized how fortunate Johnny had been to live till he was sixteen. Johnny may have seemed week, and fragile. Growing up as he had, made him strong and tough, mostly though it made him have a kind heart. Johnny, will always be my hero," I said.

I hated doing Eulogies, we had to do them in speech one time, and I almost cried. I read one about my parents, I know for a fact that the majority of the girls in my class cried. Except, then, It wasn't a full eulogy.

Johnny had known everything about me, stuff even my parents hadn't known when I was alive. I didn't cry at Johnny's funeral, Two-Bit slapped me. That's right, jokester Two-Bit Matthews hit me, and my brothers didn't even care.

I couldn't cry, because I remembered what Johnny had told me. I remembered what Dally had told me. I wonder which one I would live up to; I wish it could be both. Dally, was not even getting a funeral, he just wanted to be buried he had told us once.

When the funeral ended, I walked to the cemetery, my brothers didn't even care. Sometimes, they just don't get me. There was no one left at five thirty, but me. I knew I had a few hours before I would come back.

I walked over to the park, and to the fountain. I had a flashback of that night. I sat there and let the tears fall, something I had been holding back. I felt as if there were two hands on my shoulders.

I walked back to the cemetery around nine, only half an hour before the sun was to set. I got to Johnny's grave, where few flowers were located. It was just a mound of dirt, a casket buried beneath.

The sun began to set, colors filtered the sky. Red's, oranges, yellow's, green's, and blue's, purple's, mostly though gold, black, gray, and brown, colored the night sky. I knew, that Johnny was telling me he was okay.

I smiled slightly and nodded. I could almost hear his voice whisper, "Stay Gold, Ponyboy, Stay Gold." I could also hear Dally say, "Stay tough kid, and nothing can touch you."

I knew then that I could do both, and I would be successful. I smiled, and stood, up, knowing I would not be going home tonight, I had something I needed to do. I walked for a while, before ending up, at a dark building.


	2. panacea

"_Hop the three-fifteen freight to Windrixville," _I could hear Dally's voice say. I shivered from the harsh cold; I tired to stop the tears from falling. I didn't sleep this time, and hopped out quickly at our spot. No one would know where I was going. Only Dally and Johnny knew of this place, but they were dead.

I shook myself, trying to forget the painful memories of Dally and Johnny. I walked down the familiar path to the burnt down church. I saw a burnt door, which I knew lead to the cellar. I remembered how I had scarred Johnny from there. It seems like it was a lifetime ago, well truly it was a lifetime ago, Johnny's life.

I opened the door to the cellar, noticing the ladder, started down it. The stairs creak and I stumbled slightly as I hit the ground. It was dark and damp in the cellar; I was really tired, so I just set my stuff down, and fell asleep. Not knowing the history that surrounded this place.

I woke up the next morning, wet, cold, and oddly relieved. I opened the door to get some light into the dark bleak cellar. When I did that, I looked around. Noticing there were cots everywhere, some desks were also in places. What looked to be a shower, stood towards the back?

You would think that everything would be disintegrating after the years, but things looked new. I walked over to an old radio, and turned it on. There were drawings next to it. I looked at some of them, one hit me the most. It was of a little girl holding her mothers hand looking up to the sky to see a dove flying.

I was amazed, and then I saw an unfinished letter and picked it up. It was a messy writing with really bad vocabulary. I started to read it anyway.

Deer Mama,

I'ma on me way too Canida. It's ecitin, cept I mis ya. I cant tel ya were I'm at. Just tat I luv ya.

Ur Son,

David

So this was part of the Underground Railroad. I looked around, and saw quills and bottles of ink. I picked up a quill, and dipped it in some ink, which was oddly not dried out. I began my letter, which was very similar to David's, except, that I spell better, and I gave more detail.

Dear Darry, Soda, Two-Bit, and Steve,

I have enclosed in here a letter to each of you. This will tell you different parts of my plan. I just wanted to thank you all for everything you have done for me in my sixteen years of life. I love you all.

Your brother and friend,

Ponyboy Curtis

The next letter I wrote was to Darry personally, this one would hurt me the least. I know that's mean, but I had yet to forgive him, for everything he has done for me.

Darry,

I know you are probably very angry at me, I wouldn't be surprised. Darry, I needed to leave, I just couldn't stay there. I'm on my way to a place that I know will be good for me. I'm sorry I've been a pain in your side, since mom and dad died.

You should have sent me to a boys home, it would have been best. Johnny and Dally would still be alive. It's my fault they're dead, and you can't convince me otherwise. I love you Darry, I always have and I always will. Don't come looking for me, because you won't find me.

You're brother,

Ponyboy

The next one I wrote was to Steve, this one had to be my favorite, because I could say all I wanted to say in one letter. No one could yell at me for it either.

Steve,

I bet you are happy that I'm gone, am I right. You know Steve, there is so much I wanted to say to you, but I never could. First off, I'm sorry you always thought I was a tag-a-long, it's just I could never say no to my brother, you of all people should know that.

Steve, I know you hated me, but I need to tell you, because you're the only one I know will understand. I know how much you love Soda, I mean love him. I loved Johnny, I mean really, really loved him; we were together at the time he died. Where I'm going, is a place, where I can still be with him.

You know, we could have been great friends, if we didn't fight over Soda's attention. Well, Steve, you will now get all his attention. Take care of him, he's a good guy.

Ponyboy Curtis

Two-Bit,

Hey man, well I bet you didn't think I would ever do this. Where I'm going, I won't get to see Mickey everyday, it will be like the time at church, were everyone's silent and you dropped the book, and ruined it all. Where I'm at I know it will be like that, all silent, and then bang.

Don't give up the joke's man, make everyone laugh for me, got it.

Your Friend,

Ponyboy Curtis

Soda,

This is probably the hardest letter for me to write. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you watch Gone with the Wind, when I knew you were bored. I'll miss you Soda. I just want to say I'm sorry, but I had to leave. I have one last thing to tell you. Give him a chance, he really does love you.

You may not know what that means now, but one day you will. I love you big brother, and one day we shall see each other again. I needed to tell you though, I'm where I can talk to Johnny, and have him hear me. No I'm not going to kill myself, it's just I'm in a place, where I know Johnny can hear me.

Love Always,

You're Brother,

Ponyboy Curtis

I went to the post office and sent the letters, with no return address. I walked back to the cellar, and knew I had done the right thing. I smiled slightly as a drop of rain hit my cheek. "I love you Johnny Cade, forever and for always, so don't you dare cry on me, got it," I whispered into the wind.


End file.
